Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
