He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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