turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
