i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
