I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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