i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
