And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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