No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
