i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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