Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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