So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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