dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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