Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
