I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im holly from the hills drunk
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
