i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
