You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
