she was so not down for the gang bang
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
