he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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