I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
