You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she woke up with a sticky ear
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
