WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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