what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
