lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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