You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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