youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
