A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
