I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
