i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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