i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
