I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Is this like a preordered booty call?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
