Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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