i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
