I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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