So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
