Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
