Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
