He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
