if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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