dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
