Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
