Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
