We're facebook friends in real life
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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