His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
