i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
he's single and there are thong briefs.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize