Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
