just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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