He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
