woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he thought i was a dude.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
