She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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