Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
