They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
