If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
