Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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