Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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