I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
