I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
