So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
