Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
