If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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