do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
