I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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