I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
