I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
