is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
